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我結婚了,但是并不快樂
I got married when I was 23 years old, and for a while I was unhappy. I couldn't break up our marriage cuz I had always believed divorce was not an option. So I tried to live one day at a time, not over-thinking the future, hoping that things will get better some day.
我23歲就結婚了,但是沒過多久,我覺得并不快樂。我不能終止婚姻,因為我從來沒有覺得離婚是一種(解決)方式。于是我每天得過且過,不多考慮將來。希望事情會在將來自己改善。
The problem was, it was all me, my wife didn't do anything to upset me and she's genuinely innocent. I didn't laugh when she was telling jokes, mainly because she can't tell jokes and always mess up the punchline, it's also because I didn't love her anymore, but I tried to crack a smile as hard as it was.
但問題是,所有問題都在于我。我的妻子從未做過任何讓我失望的事情,而且她非常的單純。她講笑話時,我都不笑,因為她根本不會笑話,主要講不好笑話的梗,也因為我不再愛她,但我還是擠出無比尷尬的笑容。
I didn't even notice when she wore something new or fixed herself for me. I was aware of my problem and that's why I was going crazy, the fact that it's all me. That being said, I have never hurt her or even said something unpleasant to her, I never acted on those feelings, I kept my shit to myself.
我甚至都沒有注意她穿了新衣服,或是為我停留。我意識到是我的問題,這就是我為什么抓狂的原因,而且問題完全在我。所以我從來都沒有傷害過她,或是講過什么令她不悅。我不表現這種情緒,都一個人默默承受。
One day I had to just get away for a while, clear my mind, and try and see a bigger picture, if there was one. Of course I didn't make it seem like i'm taking a break or anything, i'm a good actor.
一天,我不得不暫時離開,清理下腦子,試著展望下未來,如果那個未來存在的話。我沒有讓這次離開看起來像我要休息一下,或是別的(讓她誤會)的事情,我是一個好演員。
So I left, and took a road trip. Driving always helped me get better for the night. I drive alone and talk out loud and let it all out so I don't burst up and explode during the day.
接著我開啟了我的公路之旅,獨自一人開夜車讓我覺得好過些,我大聲講話,讓情緒發泄,這樣不至于在白天失控爆發。
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